Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Last days of Summer

Image and video hosting by TinyPicI lay in the warm sun-kissed grass with the wind gently stirring, the sun glaring off my lashes.  I shield my eyes with one hand as I watch the clouds dance across the sky.  Soft puffs of cotton candy.  If I stick my tongue out, surely I can taste them.

Laying here, I have one ear turned to the sound of rustling leaves.  A sure sign the deer are traveling through the pasture and a clear indicator  the season is changing.  Fall is right around the corner.  The air is more languid, life has slowed down to a slumberous crawl.  A fly buzzes lazily nearby and dogs bark in the distance.

Image and video hosting by TinyPicThere's not much definition to the clouds today.  No fluffy bears or puffy dragons. A jet shoots by overhead leaving white streaks in its wake.

I roll over on my belly, propping my chin in my hands.  I'd hoped to recapture a childhood memory of calling out cloud shapes.  Oh look!  There's a monster!  Over there!  It's a clown!  A boat! A kite!  Whatever tickled my fanciful imagination, if I looked hard enough, it would be there.

I remember wonderful summer days doing this very same thing with my sons when they were little.  Each of us excitedly vying to be the next to find a really cool cloud.  Laying here makes me drowsy and I let my mind float back in time.  I drift away...slowly....with a small smile curving my lips.

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Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Out of the darkness there came a light

During the darkness, before the doctors and God recreated me, I could find no relief from the torture of my traitorous body.  Unable to walk, to wheel, to move I sank into a dark depression trying to will myself to die and failing miserably.  I was denied what I craved most.  An eternal end to the mental and physical suffering.

Thrust against my will into the world of the living, surviving, the recovering, I grew angry.  Angry with God, angry with circumstances, angry with myself.  That anger got me nowhere.  Eventually I entered a state of resignation.  I resigned myself to fighting my way back.  Apparently God wasn't done baking me yet. 

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Day by day I forced myself to get up, get moving.  It was hard to do trapped in a body I didn't recognize.  My physical self had betrayed me.  It was no longer ME.  Not the me I'd known all my life.  The me that was physically fit, active 24/7, energetic...this new physical self had lost tone.  The muscles had collapsed on impact.  The bones no longer worked as they used to work.  I cried over the loss.

Unable to find relief from pain I began to experiment.  Doctors remedies weren't doing the job.  In my incapacitated state I had plenty of time to lay around and research.  Experimenting was more challenging, but it drove me, carrying through those dark days.  And then, at the edge of the darkness I saw a light.

The light came in form of a young boy.  A burn victim.  He became a candle, lighting my way, drawing me forward.  His pain became my own.  I wanted to absorb his pain, to help him find relief.  And in some small respect I did.

Image and video hosting by TinyPicBy the time I encountered "Christopher" I'd already experimented for quite some time and had begun marketing my own bath and body product line.  Everything I created was based on purely natural ingredients.  These creations I had used on myself and were the very things that had brought me relief.  They were my own natural therapy.  Christopher was my opportunity to share with others.

I packaged up some bath items that I thought would help soothe him and shipped them off.  Thus formed an ongoing relationship that has helped me on my own journey back.  It's truly amazing that such a huge gift could come in the form of such a small person.

Image and video hosting by TinyPicI thank God for sending me Christopher.  Little Christopher became the candle that chased away the shadows cast in my darkest hours.  A beacon on storm ravaged shores...Thank you Christopher.

(Christopher's mom, Lynn, is an ebay seller, Blue Diamond Products.  It was on ebay that we first encountered one another and I am forever blessed in having met her and Christopher, albeit, it was all online.  They may never know the huge impact they have had on my life....)

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Another man done gone!

I flew into the dental office like Marie Laveau, hair streaming wildly behind me, eyes flashing sparks of pain, long nailed fingers pressed harshly against my mouth.

I'm sure the dentist heard screams of "Another man done gone" as he looked at my wild appearance. I was in and out in record time! A simple replacement filling turned into a complicated extraction when said dentist shattered the tooth.

I lay writhing in the dental chair, my back arching, as two dentists pried at my tooth using my face for leverage.  My nose was skewed toward one eyebrow, my lips mashed painfully against my teeth. A passage from the song Marie Laveau flashed through my mind:

"Then Marie started mumblin', her fangs started gnashin'
Her body started tremblin', and her eyes started flashin'"

Amidst the dentists curses and mumbling I wondered if they were feeling fear...Mentally I was zapping them into hellfire.  Grrreeee!  ANOTHER MAN DONE GONE!

Now, a couple of Lortab later I sit here typing, one eye swelled shut and the entire right side of my face marching in time to native drums.  Lortab inspires inertia and my fingers drag along the keyboard.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

I'm not Erma Bombeck

Erma BombeckI'm not Erma Bombeck and I know as you read this, you're sitting  in stunned disbelief.  It's true though.  Sure, we have many qualities in common.  Our quirky sense of humor, our flair for writing, our disastrous and sometimes not so disastrous encounters with day to day life.  We even sport a similar hairstyle and hair color!
                                                                            Erma Bombeck Pictures

From childhood I would pour over her stories, each new story feeding my hunger for her to write yet more.  To me, her writing was like mind candy and I couldn't get enough. Her written escapades left me doubled over with laughter.

Whereas she found fortune in her writing, I'm yet waiting to be discovered.  Come discover me now.  As i find my personal muse again you won't be disappointed.