Friday, June 25, 2010

Them bones

I'd written this several years back and it amazes me that even after ALL this time, the random phone calls still come in.

Them bones.....yep.....little bones of contention....We've all got them. Bones that become disjointed over day to day things..... I've become a master at avoidance. I don't like those kind of bones. You bend them and twist them enough and they become swollen and painfully arthritic. Inflame them enough and you have serious problems....

Seemed during the course of my divorce everything became a major bone of contention. I was to the point I honestly didn't care. Here, you want it? Take it? My first born? Take him! Neighbor's child....heeeeere ya go. Generous by nature, I was willing to give it take it! Go away! Be happy!

Strangely, now that we've gone our own separate ways, some of the things that were major bones are still in my possession. You wouldn't think it would be any big deal, but it is. It's a direct connection. It's two tractors in my front yard. That and a baler, swather, drill, etc., etc. Not little ticket items either.

The direct connection I speak of is the repeated phone calls. "How's my tractor".....geeeeez. :The tires still full on the baler?" Any little thing to make a phone call. "How's my dog"....well, your dog is waiting for you...come pick him up. And while you're at it, take your tractor, baler, swather, drill, plow, yada yada yada. But there's always an excuse why not.

Today, I'm placing a notice in the newspaper. He will have a limited time to remove his possessions or I'm having a farm equipment sale. The proceeds will then go to a needy organization....ME. It's time for life to move forward. It's been long enough.

Friday, June 18, 2010

Pet names

Isn't it crazy how we find ourselves tagging the people closest to us with little pet names? I find myself doing that more and more with Andy. One in particular that pops into mind is "Nubby" which is a combination of new and hubby. Upon further reflection, I just don't see Andy finding this pet name adorable at all. Think on this. "Nubby" sounds more like a severed appendage than anything adorable. Given Andy's 6'6" of long, lean Texas hot body...I just don't think he fits the tag. I could call him "Babe" or "Honey" or "Stud Muffin" but those are all so cliche! Half the time, just looking at him still has a way of leaving me speechless, so this is probably something I really don't even need to think about.

However, speaking of pets and names, I'm usually quite creative in giving my pets unique little names. I once had a four foot iguana that I artistically named "Iggy". He had a little leather vest and a cool black leather hat. He looked really sharp at the end of a leash going for a walk. Then, there was my one eyed shark that I called "Sharky". Sharky was harder to dress than Iggy and the vest just didn't look right on him

Living with Sharky was a huge Oscar that I named "Oscar". Oscar was viciously surrounded and killed by a school of goldfish who later ganged up on Sharky and threw him out of the tank. I swear this is the truth. My little one eyed dog that's very small is named "Dot". Two of her puppies, even smaller than she, were named "Micro" and "Macro" and a third one was "Speck". The largest of the four puppies was "Spot". As you can see, I put alot of thought into these names.

Of course, I have my cat, Smokin' Joe, who's totally cool! We've recently adopted a kitten for my step-daughter. I call him "Evil Kitty" while the rest of the family calls him Cotton. "Evil Kitty" has multiple personalities. The cute, cuddly personality he shows to everybody else and then the wicked personality he reserves just for me. He doesn't realize I'm onto him. He still owes me for one destroyed top!

The two horses, Knucklehead (this name was accidental, I swear!) and Sega. Sega was so named because when I first came across him it didn't look like he would live through the night. Not having any money to buy another horse, I traded a used Sega game for him and took my chances. He's turned out to be quite a robust young horse as well as a beer hound and cleptomaniac. You cannot leave beer unattended around him (this happens sometimes at a roping) he tries to guzzle it up. Nor can you leave anything else lying around unsecured. This horse is an absolute THIEF. Knucklehead on the other hand is pure athlete. He won't eat or drink anything that isn't strictly healthy. One of his favorite treats is ice cubes. This makes the children crack up. Like Sega, however, Knucklehead is a irrascible thief. I swear the two are in cahoots!

What wonderful little pet names do you use? Come on, there's got to be some creativity out there! Some of the answers should be exciting! Won't you share???