Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Out of the darkness there came a light

During the darkness, before the doctors and God recreated me, I could find no relief from the torture of my traitorous body.  Unable to walk, to wheel, to move I sank into a dark depression trying to will myself to die and failing miserably.  I was denied what I craved most.  An eternal end to the mental and physical suffering.

Thrust against my will into the world of the living, surviving, the recovering, I grew angry.  Angry with God, angry with circumstances, angry with myself.  That anger got me nowhere.  Eventually I entered a state of resignation.  I resigned myself to fighting my way back.  Apparently God wasn't done baking me yet. 

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Day by day I forced myself to get up, get moving.  It was hard to do trapped in a body I didn't recognize.  My physical self had betrayed me.  It was no longer ME.  Not the me I'd known all my life.  The me that was physically fit, active 24/7, energetic...this new physical self had lost tone.  The muscles had collapsed on impact.  The bones no longer worked as they used to work.  I cried over the loss.

Unable to find relief from pain I began to experiment.  Doctors remedies weren't doing the job.  In my incapacitated state I had plenty of time to lay around and research.  Experimenting was more challenging, but it drove me, carrying through those dark days.  And then, at the edge of the darkness I saw a light.

The light came in form of a young boy.  A burn victim.  He became a candle, lighting my way, drawing me forward.  His pain became my own.  I wanted to absorb his pain, to help him find relief.  And in some small respect I did.

Image and video hosting by TinyPicBy the time I encountered "Christopher" I'd already experimented for quite some time and had begun marketing my own bath and body product line.  Everything I created was based on purely natural ingredients.  These creations I had used on myself and were the very things that had brought me relief.  They were my own natural therapy.  Christopher was my opportunity to share with others.

I packaged up some bath items that I thought would help soothe him and shipped them off.  Thus formed an ongoing relationship that has helped me on my own journey back.  It's truly amazing that such a huge gift could come in the form of such a small person.

Image and video hosting by TinyPicI thank God for sending me Christopher.  Little Christopher became the candle that chased away the shadows cast in my darkest hours.  A beacon on storm ravaged shores...Thank you Christopher.

(Christopher's mom, Lynn, is an ebay seller, Blue Diamond Products.  It was on ebay that we first encountered one another and I am forever blessed in having met her and Christopher, albeit, it was all online.  They may never know the huge impact they have had on my life....)


  1. carry your light into the darkness and light up your WORLD be a beacon...for your light and your love is as bright as the sunshine crazyjeans....thank you for the blessing you are to my life and to so many...thankful the LORD had a different plan for is my prayer HE will continue to use you to draw others closer to HIM <3 Aloha *hugs* blessings to you always prayers love you <3 chaps

  2. Chaps, you have been a blessing in my life since the day I met you. Not just my life, but the lives of many. Thank you for all you are to all of us :-)

  3. You have struck a chord, my new friend. I have struggled for years with a chronic condition which most doctors don't seem to have a clue about, much less know how to treat effectively. I was told, repeatedly, that my symptoms could not be attributed to my condition. It was even, not so gently, suggested I should see "someone." Presumably, someone with a couch and a prescription pad. I was saved, literally, by friends I found online. They were complete strangers who welcomed me with open arms because we were kindred spirits fighting similar battles. They have encouraged me, they have educated me, and they are always there, even when I'm a woman living on the edge.

    Now, when I see someone who has been newly diagnosed stagger into the chat room, I am able to pay it forward. I thank God for pointing me and my browser in the right direction. It wasn't exactly the assistance I expected, but He knew better than I did what I needed.

  4. Brenda, you will always be welcome here. Sadly, the medical profession seems to envelope those who would kick us to the curb like a stray dog. When you're fighting disability you don't need your struggles added to. Just getting through each day is challenge enough.

    Nice to meet you and I hope you'll continue to visit :-)

  5. I recall Christopher and his mom Blue Diamond, though I have lost track of her since the Bogs shut down.

    Amazing relationships from those blogs, certainly for me too....